Trust. Such a small word with such a big meaning. Learning how to build trust in a marriage can seem like an impossibe task. Rebuilding trust may be hard, especially when a spouse betrays your trust. However, you can rebild trust in marriage.
If I’m honest I’ve always had a hard time trusting. I basically trust no one to do anything but eventually the wrong thing. This pessimistic outlook on life can take a toll on any marriage and it definitely took a toll on my marriage. So I decided to learn how to trust. Here are a few steps to rebuilding trust in a relationshp.
Defining Trust in a Relationship
People often ask how to trust in a new relationship. Trust is formed when you have a need and it is met. By giving someone else the opportunity to meet that need, you make yourself vulnerable. When the person meets your need, trust is formed. As long as that person continues to meet your need, trust is maintained. If the person stops meeting that need, trust is broken.
When Trust is Broken in a Relationship
A marriage without trust and respect is domed to fail. These two elements make up the foundation that your marriage will stand on. When trust is broken in a relationship you must follow the steps to rebuilding trust; confession, forgiveness and changed behavior. This is not something that one person can do. These steps must be taken by both parties in the marriage.
Steps to Rebuilding Trust in Relationships
Don’t ask, “How can I make my husband believe me?” Instead focus on being beliveable. Start confessing. Become transparent in all aspects of your relationship. Do not leave room for guesses, wild imaginations, or assumptions.
There must be true forgiveness in marriage. You must forgive yourself and he or she must forgive you. Forgiveness takes time, but in an instant you can decide to become committed to forgiving.
Changed behavior is the biggest step in how to build trust in a marriage. Commit to sitting down and completing trust building exercises together. (We will talk about these more later in this article)
Staying in a Marriage Without Trust
Many women ask, “What if I can never trust my husband again?” Staying in a marriage without trust means that you do not expect that person to meet your needs. These needs may not have anything to do with infidelity. You may not expect them to meet your needs for loyalty, security, honesty, consistency or even support. If there is a lack of trust in marriage then the marrriage will be weak. If you are determined to stay in the marriage than you must both be committed to rebuilding trust. You can have a restotative marriage.
Trust Building Exercises for Couples
- Share passwords and login information. Social media and cell phones have made cheating easily accessible. So freely sharing access can build trust.
- Talk about your relational fears. Are you afraid that your spouse won’t support you if you can’t benefit them? Are you afraid that they will misuse your trust? Then tell your spouse. Have a sit down conversation and be honest about your fears and how you can help each other ease them.
- Assign responsibilties to each other and consistenly uphold them. Give each other little assignments that make the other person feel comfortable. They can be as simple as calling when you leave work, picking up the kids from practice on tuesdays, or managing the monthly budget. Consisztenly meeting these simple but important tasks will build a fondation of trust. Upon this, you can build a sturdier relationship.
- Create no-go zones. Trust is fragile and if you are wondering how to build trust in a marriage, you must learn to protect the trust that is being built. Trust cannot be maintained in a boundryless enviroment. Sit down with your spouse and create a short list of things that you agree to neer do. Things such as not coming home at night, not sleeping in the same bed, refusing to let the other see devices and social media accounts, and hiding money. Also, consider adding things about communication. Commit to telling each other how you really feel.
How to Build Trust in a Marriage: Conclusion
Learning to build trust is not an overnight activity. Instead it is a carefully constructed bond that must be continuously cared for and protected. It takes great amounts of time, transparency, honesty, and vulnerability to build trust. It is not impossible. Regardless of what was done, you too can have a restorative marriage.