July 30, 2020

How to Deal With Difficult People

Hey, y’all! Let’s talk about how to deal with difficult people. It can be hard to maintain your composure around people who are hurtful, disrespectful or flat out mean.

However, it is important to slow down and rise above the drama. It is easy to be angry, hold grudges, and be petty. To respond appropriately and maintain control of your emotions takes love & understanding.

There is a proper way of handling people.

In the next few sections, we’ll talk about how to deal with difficult co-workers, family, and friends. All of these tips can be applied to these relationships.

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Types of Difficult People

Everyone has difficult personality traits, but that doesn’t mean everyone is a difficult person. Here are 4 types of difficult people and how to deal with them.

What Does the Bible Say About Dealing with Difficult People?

The Bible has a lot to say how to deal with a contentious person.

The Bible tells us we all have fallen short of His glory. It also tells us that no one’s sin is greater than the other because God sees all sins as the same size because they all have the same potential for destruction.

Don’t forget that you have made mistakes, you’ve offended, you’ve hurt.

Don’t forget that you’ve said too much or too little. You’ve gotten upset and said the wrong thing or spoke out of ignorance. We all have. We all have wished for forgiveness, grace, mercy, and understanding. We’ve all wished that people wouldn’t continue to judge us based on our past, but on our desire to do well.

Amid judging & canceling others, stop and ask yourself how you have done something similar.

Be Understanding of Others

Try to see the person as a human with traumas, not a problem in the form of a person. This one is a big one, however, I do recognize how hard it may be, but just stick with me and try!

Try to stop and understand why the person may be the way they are. Most people don’t wake up and try to hate & hurt.

Everyone is carrying around trauma and hurts from the past that they are living out of. Everyone has their own set of problems that reshape and contort their view of life, situations, and interactions.

Consider these questions when trying to understand the person on a human level.

Have they been hurt before? Are they responding out of fear & hurt? Were they taught to be like this? Do they know what they have done? Did the situation touch an old wound? I know it’s hard and I know they may not deserve that kind of compassion, but think of yourself.

However, think of a time when you felt that you deserved understanding, but all you received was misunderstanding and contempt. I’m sure it hurt and you wished that someone would ask you why you felt that way. Consider if that person may feel that way.

Forgive Them, Continually

Hating only hurts you. Forgiveness heals you. I cannot stress this enough!

People love to say “protect your peace”. One of the greatest ways to “protect your peace” is to not hold grudges and choose forgiveness and love. You don’t forgive because it’s easy. You forgive because hating is harder.

Forgiveness is not excusing someone else’s poor behavior, it’s choosing to be free and rise above and be free. Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to heal.

Set Boundaries

People often ask themselves, “why can’t I set boundaries?” The answer is, you can set them! You need to learn how to kindly set boundaries.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to be hurt by allowing everyone into our space. Loving others does not automatically equate to no boundaries. This is an especially important aspect when learning how to set boundaries with family.

Boundaries are good and healthy. Don’t create unhealthy boundaries by making them an excuse for keeping people at a distance because you are afraid of being hurt.

Instead, be open and always available to love, but learn to create healthy and safe boundaries that protect you from foreseeable hurt. It is a substantial form of love to have boundaries. This is especially important when learning how to set boundaries with friends.

Some people may have a resistance to boundaries, especially if they hold power, like your boss for instance. However, do not let this stop you from learning how to create personal boundaries at work.

Am I A Toxic Person?

Be blameless and ask yourself, “am I the toxic one in the friendship?”

Although I’m sure your quick answer is “no”, it doesn’t hurt to check yourself. It also doesn’t hurt to check your response to the other person’s toxicity. You cannot fight fire with fire.

You cannot control the way others act, but you can control the way you respond to others. Every action doesn’t require your reaction.

It is the ultimate show of maturity when you learn what to respond to and how to respond. Don’t give people what they deserve, give them what Jesus tells you to give them, and remember that you will have to answer for you…. and that is it.

Pray: Benefits of Praying for Others

Pray for them. Like forgiveness, praying for someone else is not excusing their inappropriate behavior. It also isn’t about them. Pray for the person you hate because it will change your heart.

Every time you pray for someone, God exchanges your anger for peace. He exchanges your hate for freedom. Prayer changes you and your perception.

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Finally, I pray that these tips will help you love deeper, forgive harder, mend broken places & shine your light more! If you need more help on improving the communication in your relationships check out this article. Comment below & let me know how you handle this topic!

2 responses to “How to Deal With Difficult People”

  1. Rhea Williamson says:

    Sis these tips were spot on in a season I’m in. So true! The point that stood out the most to me was “all sin have the same potential for destruction” that honestly hit me like an arrow

  2. Kim says:

    This is gold!! These tips were so helpful! Its so hard to be around people that turns your spirit a little but it’s also important to know that God loves that person as much as he loves me. I pray a lot for people I have a difficult time getting along with and myself too.